HAVE YOU EVER TRIED A NEW RECIPE . . . . . . . . . . . One that ended up on the back deck in flames?

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OK, now for a little recipe BITCHING. I know most of you out there are just like me when it comes to being nicked by a new recipe that has you do something that is completely ridiculous! When I first started cooking, I had no idea what to look for in a recipe, so I'd try just about anything. And I'm not kidding, I would sometimes end up with rock hard Rice Krispie Treats (this because the recipe did not say "don't use fat free butter") or a flaming pork roast on the back deck (this because the recipe said, "place the roast on a rack", & it should have said, "place the roast on rack OVER a broiler pan) Now-a-days I'm a little wiser, & a little older (crap, I hate how that happens), but I still occasionally run into a stumper.

Here are a couple of great examples! Take a look at these:


Let's start with the Zucchini Chips:

This LOOKS beautiful right?

This is a recipe found on face book & “shared” to my page by my sister. She was thinking, “Tricia has butt loads of zucchini! This’ll be great for her!” Great idea, but let me just show you how this worked out. The recipe could NEVER have been tested. First off, when you begin dipping the zucchini disks in the milk, then the dry mix, you realize the dry mix does not stick to the zucchini! So that's got me ticked off already. Then, after 2 or 3 times of trying to get the mix to stick, the dry mix is not longer dry! It is a wet, lumpy mess. Load of crap.

Since I couldn’t use the lump of wet dry mix anymore, I just sprinkled the rest of the disks with the spices - those are on the left, the “breaded” ones are on the right.

 

Then the recipe says to place the “breaded” disks on a rack over a cookie sheet. Um, who has an oven proof rack in their kitchen? Really, I want a vote here. So I did the best I could, I used a broiler pan. If that’s not enough, once they are baked (not for the 30 minutes the recipe calls for, but 20 - because they would have been burned to a crisp if I had left them in there any longer). But coming out of the oven, I kind of had my hopes up. Looks ok right?

 

 

But no. This is what happened when I tried to get them off the pan.

The "chips" were not chips. They were soft, mushy circles of zucchini.

The author of this recipe might say, “That’s because you didn’t use a rack.” In my head I hear that in a snitty, Nurse Ratchet type voice. But I’m sorry, I know a fair amount about cooking, & before I even started this one, I had my doubts. There is no way you’re going to get a water-filled, ¼” piece of zucchini to crisp up like it is in the picture, in an oven.

All that being said, this recipe was a flop, no, I think an intentional cookery misguidance! I know most of what I see on the internet is a load of crap, but recipes? Really? So here is the recipe as I intend to try it next time - a labor of love! Correcting recipe blunders & boo-yaas is my passion.

　

ZUCCHINI CHIPS

2 cups Zucchini - cut in ¼” coins
¼ cup ground Almonds
¼ cup parmesan cheese - grated
¼ tsp. Seasoned Salt
¼ tsp. Garlic Powder
1/8 tsp. Pepper
2 tblsp. Milk

Oil - about a ¼” in a skillet

The almonds give this a great flavor (from what I could tell by the soft pieces I was able to scrape off the pan), but I think they were part of the problem in getting the mix to stick. So I plan to grind them very fine in my food processor, then set them out on a paper towel overnight to dry. I plan to do the same with the cheese - grate it & set it out to dry on a paper towel.

 

Mix almonds, cheese & seasonings in a small bowl (use your fingers, works best). Place them in an empty spice jar (or try a mesh sieve or flour sifter). Give the zucchini coins a dunk in the milk & lay them out on some waxed paper. Sprinkle the spice mixture on them. Move each zucchini coin to another piece of waxed paper, flipping it over on the way, then sprinkle that side with the spice mix.

Heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat & lay the zucchini chips in, one layer at a time, turning them once, until they are crispy & lightly browned. I know, I hate frying anything, but this is the only way I can imagine they got the picture to look like that, & that looks YUMMYY!

Place the chips in a paper towel lined basket, sprinkling with just a little more spice mix while they’re still warm. Repeat with remaining zucchini coins.

Now remember, this recipe is still in the “test” phase, so don’t plan to make this for company yet! Wait ‘til I’ve got the thing figured out.

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Ok, now on to the Butter Cake recipe:

 

 

I can see how this recipe has the potential to be great. Kind of like a Lemon Bar, but butter flavored. Mmmm. And seriously, any cake that has so much butter in it, that the word "butter" has to go into its name? Gotta get me some-a-that!

 

But right from the get go, I had my complaints. It's hard to tell in this picture, but the ingredients are listed within the instructions, & this is a pain in the ars. I tried to figure out how much butter to set out to soften, yup, pain in the ars. Past that, the recipe calls for a 9"x 9" cake pan. Sorry, but 90% of people don't have one of those & will do what I did: use the 8"x 8" pan you do have. This created an issue with baking temperature & time. But that's pretty easy to adjust. And, other than that, it turned out ok & tasted like a sweet little bit of heaven.

So this is a picture of how it turned out this time:

 

A little too thick & overdone edges with an underdone middle. But these things I can fix.

And this is the recipe as it should have been written

BUTTER CAKE

Crust:
1 cup Flour
3 tblsp. Sugar
1/4 cup ground Almonds (I added this to the original recipe)
1/3 cup Butter - softened

Mix flour, sugar & almonds, & use a pastry knife to cut in butter until you have fine crumbs. Pat this into an 8"x 8" cake pan (I'm going to try doubling the whole recipe & making it in a 9"x 13" pan).


Cake:
1/2 cup Sugar

1/2 cup Powdered Sugar (the original recipe is just regular
3/4 cup Butter                         sugar, but it gave the cake a gritty texture I didn't
1/4 cup Light Corn Syrup         necessarily like, but you need some of the regular sugar
1 Egg                                        because its sharp edges cut the butter properly so that
1 cup Flour                                the batter doesn't end up super curdled)
2/3 cup Evaporated Milk - I'm thinking you could just use regular milk here too

Cream the sugars & butter, add the corn syrup & egg, mixing just until combined. Add the flour & milk, alternating a little of each at a time, mixing between additions. This will leave you with a slightly curdled look to the batter, that's ok. Pour it onto the crust & bake it at 300 for about 50 minutes.

Again, remember this is still in the "test" stage, but I'm thinking this one is definitely worth working on.

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Now, here's my request to you!

If you have a recipe that has perplexed you, left you hanging on some issue, or just ticked you off completely, HAND IT OVER! Let me take a whack at it & see if I can come up with something that really does work!